Weibo is a place where people like to have fun. The Shenzhen Traffic Police are just like you and me: they share their love of GIFs while trying to admonish the dangerous activities they depict, and reply to funny questions with funny answers.

Weibo user MrCharlesChen is a also a guy who likes fun. And that’s what he was having when he posted a picture to Weibo at midnight on May 25 of himself driving with a beer can in his hand. He asked:

MrCharlesChen
Is drinking and driving at the same time against the law? @Shenzhen Traffic Police Have you caught any “tigers” tonight? [coylaughing.emo]

Yes. The account he was asking was the Shenzhen Traffic Police.

And while the Shenzhen Traffic Police has a history of joking around, they didn’t do so this time. Instead, they sent a short, terse message:

Shenzhen Traffic Police:
Put the beer down, and drive safely!

Such a reply didn’t deter MrCharlesChen, who posted the reply:

MrCharlesChen:
I’m going to open another one [elatedopenmouth.emo]

Netizens got in on the fun at this point. They combed through MrCharlesChen’s Weibo account, and found the following gem in his photo album from March 19, 2013:

MrCharlesChen:
These past few days, I ran through about twenty red lights before I was finally caught @粤B374CC How’s this license for you? The next time you see this license plate, you’ll know it’s me [openmouthlaughing.emo]

Another photo found in MrCharlesChen’s album showed he was unrepentant towards his lawnessness by posting a screenshot of the driving violations he had incurred:

CharlesChen:
That’s fine, I still have six points (left on my license)

Sensing a change of merriment, MrCharlesChen changed his username to the very apt “no zuo no die (classic)“, and deleted all the content in his Weibo account. Unperturbed, the Shenzhen traffic police said that they were going to find him all the same:

搞怪GIF图：
This guy changed his (username)

深圳交警:
(Despite) changing a username, we still have to investigate.

MrCharlesChen finally signaled that he had enough fun:

MrCharlesChen:
I was wrong. [tearspouringdown.emo] I am a stupid cunt. [tearspouringdown.emo]

However, the fun continued for netizens and police as they collaborated to find more information on MrCharlesChen:

Mr Chen-Jun:
Going to help out this so-called fellow classmate of Shenzhen University to remain at the back of the class…

Shenzhen Traffic Police (reply):
Thank you very much (for your contributions), we have already made screenshots.

The Shenzhen Traffic Police found that long list of traffic violations MrCharlesChen had boasted about:

Shenzhen police put a stop to all the fun on May 26 by issuing a demand to MrCharlesChen to surrender himself at a traffic police station. And they did it by sending him a Weibo post:

(Car with license plate 粤B374CC has made 16 driving violations) Through an investigation, it has been determined that Weibo user @MrCharlesChen (who has changed his username many times, and deleted his entire account) is a suspect wanted in connection with driving violations related to a BMW X1 vehicle with the license plate 粤B374CC that was first registered on March 5, 2013. To date, this vehicle has accrued a total of 16 violations, ten of which occurred in Shenzhen (nine counts of illegal stopping, one time for speeding) and six other violations occurring out of province. At present, ten points have been deducted from your license, leaving only six points left. According to traffic regulations, please hand over your car for confiscation and inspection.

But netizens would do one better and perform a human flesh search that turned up MrCharlesChen’s real name, work unit, picture, and residential address.

Shenzhen Traffic police were very amenable with their ultimatum by issuing helpful reminders:

Shenzhen Traffic Police:
If you do not arrive by 2pm, we will come to your residence. If there is a need, we will ask for the help of the “Uncles” in CID (Criminal Investigation Department).

And with the clock ticking:

Shenzhen Traffic Police:
One hour left.

MrCharlesChen finally did turn himself in. And, the police celebrated it with everyone online by posting his arrest on Weibo:

And then they posted all of his personal credentials online:

Of course, they censored anything personal about him but that was irrelevant, as his identity was already made public by the human flesh search.

Later that day, MrCharlesChen was very ponderous with his first post to Weibo ever since deleting his entire Weibo account:

MrCharlesChen:
Cherish life, don’t drink and drive. Living is not easy, cherish what you have when you’ve got it.

Yes, it would be much more poetic if he didn’t plagarize most of it. Outside in the parking lot, Shehzhen Traffic Police finally saw the car that they’d only seen online:

But upon opening the trunk of the car, they found yet another familiar sight:

That’s right, MrCharlesChen had driven to the police station to surrender himself and his car with two cases of beer in the back. He does like that Harbin beer, we see.

The moral would be very clear at this part of the story, except that it isn’t over.

With all of this having happened back in the distant past, meaning Monday of this week, some netizens still had lingering doubts. So one user recently posted this question to Shenzhen Traffic Police:

chenruihang:
“Uncle” traffic police, I want to know if drinking (soda pop) in the passenger seat is against the law

Shenzhen Traffic Police:
That’s fine, enjoy your drink. (Just remember,) too much will adversely impact your health! Just remember to do better than that brother from tomorrow.

Uh, “tomorrow”? They mean “yesterday”, don’t they?

Shenzhen Traffic Police:
Sorry, we meant ‘yesterday’

So while this may have been a very simple moral of “stupid is as stupid does”, the true moral of this fable is Weibo itself: no one ever forgets anything online. Not your hideous shame, your regretful mistakes, and not any one of your speiling mistakes.

Photo: Guangzhou PSB via Weibo (2, 3, 4, 5), Shenzhen Evening Report via Weibo

As more proof of Shenzhen’s ascension to a metropolis of kickassery, the city has now become that much more convenient. Last week, eight FamilyMart stores opened in Shenzhen with further locations to come in Dongguan by the end of this year.

To celebrate this great news, we’re going to provide a run-down of the ten most essential items you’ll be purchasing from FamilyMart—because let’s face it, the one time you really need a FamilyMart is at 3am when you’ve had too much to drink and badly need food.

1. Western Junk Food Knock-Offs

When looking for a little sugar fix, you’ll be attracted to the brands that you know and trust (or, at least their logos if you can’t read Chinese). However, there’s something different about it; something’s a little off. It’s not the junk food you’ve become so familiar with…

2. Fruit Sandwich

If you’re still not over your culture shock, you’re probably going to stick with food you’re familiar with, like the sandwich. How hard can that be to screw up? It’s two slices of bread and some cut fruit, just like your mom used to make.

3. Tea Eggs

And we don’t mean the “virgin boy” type. Tea eggs are always a good purchase because no matter your feelings on how they taste, and no matter the time of day, there are always tea eggs for sale at a convenience store. It’s like as though it’s used as a type of currency a la “take an egg, leave an egg”.

4. Instant Noodles

There’s a reason why there is usually an entire aisle dedicated to instant noodles, and it isn’t because there is a fundamental difference between any of them. No, the instant noodle is the one reliable food that you can’t screw up, but it does need one thing…

5. Pre-Packaged Chicken Feet

No, you don’t make a wish on them like you do on a monkey’s paw. You may not be partial to the delicacy of chicken feet, but you will learn to be more culturally sensitive at three in the morning when you’re ravenously hungry and lack your usual ethnocentric tendencies. You can’t just eat instant noodles on their own, you know.

6. Over-the-Counter Baijiu

Sure, there’s usually beer available at a convenience store in China, but you want to continue the party, not have a refreshing beverage to cool down. Browse the baijiu section and pick the bottle that looks like it can strip paint off a wall, and you’re set to go.

7. Aspirin

For tomorrow morning. Buy it now, or wait until you’re dizzy and nauseous.  But, you’ll also be needing…

8. Bottled Water

In this day and age, a bottle of drinking water is as necessary as a smartphone. Thirty years ago, who’d have thought that we’d be paying for water and be using portable phones to do everything but make calls?

9. Pepto Bismol

If FamilyMart doesn’t sell this, then what good is it?

10. Condoms

You may need these, perhaps. One day in the future.

With the arrival of FamilyMart, Shenzhen will join Guangzhou as places where you can buy whatever you need at every hour of the day in full disregard of the daily sleep cycles our sad, non-partying forefathers were burdened with.

Thank you, FamilyMart. You’re Japan’s greatest present to China.

Photos: the Beijinger, Daxue Consulting, ChinaDaily, GiantBomb, traveling around the world, wn.com, pzr services, mousetourtravels, dawn.com, xinhua, Bloomberg  

The International Beverage Exposition and Competition (IBEC) 2013 was held over the weekend at the Shenzhen Convention and Exhibition Center in Futian District.

The IBEC is “quickly becoming one of Asia’s premier beverage events,” according to the official website. The event showcased wines, spirits, beers, and even non-alcoholic beverages such as coffee from international producers, importers and distributors. The website lists Carrefour and Wal-Mart among the large retailers taking part in the forum.

“Wine consumption in China is clearly on the rise, with the younger generation leading the way with increased knowledge and sophistication. Cocktails and spirits are becoming more popular drinks of choice. Shenzhen is an ideal location for the IBEC due to the age demographic and fast-paced growth of the city,” IBEC says on its website.

IBEC is certainly correct when it says wine consumption in China is on the rise. It is already the world’s largest market for fine wine, and locations such as Yinchuan City are being hailed by many as China’s future wine capital.

However, President Xi Jinping’s crackdown on extravagance among officials may be having unintentional consequences for the country’s wine industry, with a recent report by the South China Morning Post on Tuesday claiming that sales in Hong Kong are down, and that “Value of re-exports to the mainland has dropped 27 per cent since [the] president ordered cadres to curb their lavish lifestyle.”

Photo credit: Shenzhen Daily

However, his sentence is just one year.

Last year, on the evening of May 24, A Min, a white collar worker, got on the subway at Yangsuan Station on Line 5 where she met A Bin for the first time. They started chatting and she asked him whether he would like to have dinner with her after she got off at the terminus, Wenchong.

Even though he was supposed to get off at Wencun, he agreed, and she suggested that they have drinks while eating to assuage her bad mood. When they got to A Bin’s intended stop, she reminded him to get off as, she said, she was only semi serious about the dinner invitation, but in the end, allowed him to come along.

On arriving at the terminus, he took her to a food stall where they had supper and 11 bottles of beer. He said he did not force her to drink. At 1 a.m. when he was starting to doze off, he said he told her to stop drinking, but A Min insisted on competing with him, and they continued until 2:20 a.m.

After paying the bill, A Bin then offered to take her to her home in Huangpu District.

Both parties agree that the above is all true. Here is where it gets tricky.

A Bin insists that they had a spontaneous one night stand and forgot to use a condom. A Min says she called her ex-boyfriend, who she is still close to, to come and protect her. She says she expressly turned down A Bin’s offer of sex, but he subdued her before raping her.

The next morning A Min asked him if he had used a condom. He said yes but when she went to the trash can to see if any condom had been disposed of, he confessed that he had lied. She then dialled 110 to report him for raping her and he tried to drag the phone off her, asking her why she was acting so differently to the “cute” girl he had met the night before.

A Bin later confessed that he had not asked for consent, but he assumed that A Min wanted to have sex with him. Accounts differ as to what state of consciousness A Min was in when they had sex.

Despite the seriousness of the conviction, Huangpu District Court has given A Bin a lenient sentence because it is his first criminal offense and the various shades of grey involved in the case.

A Bin confessed that he thinks one night stands are “immoral,” but continues to insist that he is not a rapist.

Last year saw a high profile case in which police ruled out the possibility of rape on the grounds that the alleged rapist had been wearing a condom. This caused much outrage at the time.

Honestly, it’s an event not to be missed, especially as it includes a vast German-style buffet and all the beer you can drink. The Nanfang will be out and about at Oktoberfest tomorrow night, so if you see a bloke with a camera around his neck and a beer in each hand, come by and say hello.

Oktoberfest runs from today (September 23) to next Wednesday, the 28th. You can get more details here.

The south gate of Tianhe Sports Centre is going to transform into a giant beer garden on Friday July 8 complete with a wide selection of international beers, a barbeque, live music performances and even a parade. The festival will run all the way until Tuesday July 19.

Details from Life of Guangzhou:

In coordination with local government, the annual festival will showcase more than 20 famous brands worldwide. Besides those we’re familiar with, famous brands from Belgium and Czech Republic will also make their debut. It is told that San Miguel will release a new taste drink. As to the Belgium brand, the greatest hit will be the red fruit wine made especially for ladies.

When: July 8 – 12, 14 – 15, 17 – 19
17:00 – 23:00 (Mondays to Fridays)
12:00 – 23:00 (Saturdays and Sundays)
Where: South gate square of Tianhe Sports Center
Price of admission: RMB 10

While we’ve been to many of the bars and restaurants in Dongguan already, we’re looking forward to hitting up the ones that have escaped us. One of the ones on our agenda is Woodstock, as well as Beijing Bar and Hollywood Baby Too. Of the three main cities in the PRD, expats calling Dongguan home have the fewest online resources — all the more reason for us to make our listings even more comprehensive.

For those Shenzhen and Guangzhou residents who fancy a night’s stay in Dongguan, you could do worse than giving this a read for a primer on Dongguan’s nightlife. We may also use this as a general guide.

Hope to see you around this weekend.