Unfortunately, this was not one Guangzhou TV station’s twisted idea of an April Fool’s Day joke.
Ms. Bai, as she’s been named in local media reports, was riding the 523 bus home from work this past Sunday evening, and dozed off somewhere along the route. When she woke up, Southern Television has reported (see below), she found herself covered in semen:
“I felt uncomfortable, realizing there was something slimy covering my body. I woke up and found that my arms, legs and clothes had been smeared with semen, and a man sitting next to me with pants undone.”
Bai grabbed him, thinking this guy needed to see some police, then turned to the bus driver asking him to keep the door closed. The driver initially ignored her shouts, then told her to shut up.
Having long perfected instant self-hypnosis for situations like this where getting involved would mean having to give up their seat, the other fifty or so other passengers on the bus ignored her too.
Ms. Bai kept shouting at the driver.
“Nobody else is helping you,” the driver yelled at her, expertly avoiding eye contact, “so why should I?” Bai’s pervert seat partner walked off the bus, and she confronted the driver, demanding to know why he opened the doors, receiving no satisfactory response.
Just to make itself look even classier, the company which operates the 523 bus later denied any knowledge of a semen attack, saying the driver merely thought that a small dispute between passengers was taking place. Because semen in Chinese rhymes with so many other words.
As much as this reads like completely fake news, Bai’s next step was to pursue the only recourse left available to her: turning to the media.
Here’s Southern Television’s original report, dated April 2, featuring Bai herself:
